Despicable Me 2 (2013)

I bet you are wondering why I am reviewing this huh? None of your damn business that's why! Relax, I'm just messing with you. You should've seen your face though, priceless. Well truth be told I quit my job today. I had a massive panic attack that was absolutely terrifying. So I took it as an omen and hightailed it the fuck outta that pitiful paying purgatory. My second alliteration in two days, booyah! But fun with consecutive similar sounds won't pay the bills. I'm as broke as hammer right now and have zero plans to get out of this. So long story short I definitely wanted to watch something with bright colors, cheap laughs and the power to leave me with a glimmer of hope in this grayscale world of perceived wretchedness. Should've looked harder. That was harsh, I am not gonna say I picked the wrong movie in Despicable Me 2 but I know I didn't pick the right one let's put it that way. But what did I expect? It's a kid's movie with a two in the title. And anytime a movie takes place in a mall and isn't called Mallrats or Dawn of the Dead you should run as fast as you can past the food court to the nearest exit. And one thing I don't get. Why is everyone so crazy about these minions? I remember seeing the first one and thinking they were kind of annoying. Then seeing the nonstop promotions for this one and thinking ok these assholes are definitely annoying. But to their credit they did have a few moments of redemption in this film but overall I was still left questioning why they are so adored. And another gripe is voice acting. How do I get on this gravy train? Russel Brand barely had to say anything and I'm sure he got a boatload of money. And Steve Coogen and Ken Jeong had even less, wtf?! Sorry got a little carried away there. Wow green does not look good on me. On the positive side I think my favorite part of the movie was Benjamin Bratt as El Macho. Yes he's as racist as he sounds but still funny without taking it to an offensive level. But then again I wouldn't know seeing as since I'm not Latin American. I guess I'll quit blubbering and wrap this baby up like I should my Christmas presents I now can't afford. Ultimately what hooked you in the first one will hook you in this. Not all the dating romance crap. Not the childish slapstick. Not the overly glossy animation. Not the big names. But the way they honestly convey truly how much Gru, Steve Carell's character loves his adopted daughters. My pillowcase may or may not have tear drops soaked into it as I type this. Don't judge me I'm in a vulnerable state right now. So will this win any Oscars? No, but you knew that coming in now didn't you? For bonus points try and not get your heart melted by Elsie Fisher! I say this sequel lands in the realm of Should See. Trailer IMDB