I wonder if I could pay Spike Lee to come to my house to shit on all the other things I love?In case you were unable to decode that cryptic intro, I hated this remake with a passion. A passion so fierce it could only be rivaled by Romeo & Juliet on extacy!
When I first heard that this was going to be remade I dropped to my knees in public and screamed violently towards the heavens. Then after weeks of hospitalization and remake therapy from the subsequent breakdown I was released with an improved but still extremely skeptical outlook. The casting of Olsen and Brolin gave me a glimmer of hope in an overall bleak forecast. Finally after plenty of anticipation and dread the film was released but I was too pessimistic to see it in theaters. So after months of dodging the inevitable I sat down to behold this (I'll be nice and say) re-imagining.
There was not one scene I liked.
Brolin says it sucked because you have to see the full three hour version. You say tomato I say, stupid fucking movie; but to each his own. I'm sure there are movie-goers who got to see Olsen naked and had there bloodthirsty appetite temporarily quenched to the point where they actually enjoyed this film. Forgive them Roger Ebert for they know not what they do.
But in an effort to stay positive and not shit on Spike Lee's film the way he shit on mine I'll just say watch the original. If I was to borrow from the film Billy Madison I would say, we are all dumber for having watched this. I award you no points, and may god have mercy on your soul! Don't See! So much for staying positive. Did you see this train wreck?
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