Larry David everyone's favorite two first name having curmudgeon is back. This time in the HBO movie Clear History. It debuted back in August but has now made its way to DVD. You would think that with a name like Clear History and the way they did the titles that this movie would be more computer oriented. But it's actually about a guy who leaves a car company right before it takes off. Making everyone involved rich as hell except for our protagonist. Now the story is original but our balding minutiae loving friend Mr. David is not. And that isn't a bad thing. It's just that you're pretty much getting an extended Curb Your Enthusiasm episode. This time just with different pawns on the chess board. Does that metaphor make me sound smart? I hope so. I need all the help I can get. Anywho, back to the chess pieces. I don't know when Hollywood is going to learn that cramming a bunch of well knowns into a film isn't going to make it a hit. But that fact aside, I enjoyed this ensemble cast. My favorite was Michael Keaton. His character had a gruff voice and there were a few times he let a little Beetlejuice slip out. Maybe he's practicing for the rumored sequel. Fingers crossed. So if you like Larry David you will love this one. If you don't you might get a chuckle or two but I make no garauntees. So this one was close but it just squeaked by, like me on my driving test. Ended with a car reference. Nailed it! Should See. Trailer IMDB 
Finally a movie for the whole family! Just kidding, little Bobby and Susie definitely need to leave the room for this 2009 feature. And for quite a while too I might add. This movie clocks in at around two and a half hours! So this is quite the investment. And it's a mind bender. So if your not up for a challenge I suggest you go play Schutes and Ladders or something. God I loved that game. Moving on. OK now that you have a free afternoon, your mind is open and your bladder empty, strap in because you are going on a wild ass ride! This movie stars relatively unknown Nathaniel Brown as Oscar the American drug dealer residing in Tokyo. Who flies out his sister Linda played by the glorified pornstar Paz de la Huerta of Boardwalk Empire fame to live with him. Side note, if you wanna know why she was fired Google "Paz de la Huerta tampon". Yucky! Where was I going with this? Sorry my brain is still all melty from watching this. I guess I will let the rest of the movie speak for itself. Because it sure as hell has a lot to say. I initially found this film because I have been watching a lot of movies that look at death and what could possibly follow. And this movie definitely touches on that. But I had no idea how graphic it would be. And I don't mean that in a bad way, even though there are a few scenes that made me cringe. It will just blow all expectations out of the water. And shock you in a lot of ways. I am tempted to give this a Must See. But the druggy visuals that could enduce a full on Pokemon seizure. Explicit and pervasive sex that could make a hooker blush. And gruesome blood drenched scenes including everything from car wrecks to abortions. It leads me to believe that this just might not be everyone's cup of tea. So I am going to give this a Should See. You have been warned. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go find some super glue and try to piece my mind back together. 
This one goes out to all my blokes and birds across the pond. I watched Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa starring Steve Coogan, who's real name is John by the way. Why would you go from John to Steve? Was John just too plain and Steve had that exotic allure you had been dying for all along? I guees that's neither here nor there because today we are here to talk about another boring male name, Alan. I watched this under the impression that this was Mr. Partridge's first appearance to the world. But it turns out he is one of Coogan's most famous characters. Already having stage shows, a TV show and TV movie. So I apologize to the die hards in the United Kingdom for my ignorance. I am sure you had a much different viewing experience than me. But I am happy to say mine was more or less a positive one. This story finds Partridge a delusional, self absorbed, awkward situation inducing radio DJ as an unwilling hostage negotiator. The gun toting captor who he must keep calm is his coworker he may have gotten fired. And wouldn't you know it with a premise like that hijinks ensue. I don't know about you but I did not see that coming. While I wasn't rolling in the aisles with laughter, probably because I have an aisle-less bedroom, it did keep me chuckling enough to carry me across the finish line. I just wish I could go one Steve Coogan movie without seeing him naked. I think this is three times now. Definitely not the charm but luckily this movie still has enough to earn it a Should See. 
Right now you're thinking to yourself, "What the hell is Pawn Shop Chronicles?" Well I just watched it and I'm still thinking that. In case you live under a rock or get all your information via carrier pigeon you have probably heard the tragic news by now. Actor Paul Walker has passed away at the age of 40. And as if it wasn't bad enough to die relatively early in life. In a stroke of cruel irony he was killed by what brought him most of his fame and fortune. The actor primarily known for his car movies was killed in a car crash. In all seriousness my deepest sympathies go out to all his family, friends and fans. And in memory of Mr. Walker today I decided to watch Pawn Shop Chronicles. Probably not the best idea. Especially after the weird feeling I got when there was a scene in which his character is screaming in an out of control vehicle. But I hope his spirit somehow picks up on my attempt to honor his life. And I hope wherever he is now he is at peace. Which is my hope for all of us when we pass. But unfortunately no amount of hoping will save this movie in my opinion. This is like the movie crash with all the characters paths finding abstract ways to intersect, while on meth. Think Spun, only bad. Now you're starting to get the picture. But I think what bothers me most about the movie is the tonal shifts. It's dark throughout. But it starts comical dark then gets really dark then ends kind of comical again. Why the gross middle? And who the hell is Elijah Wood's agent? I'm really starting to think he only takes roles that answer yes to the question will I be a creepy murderer rapist type? So if you wanna honor Paul Walker's work have a Fast and Furious marathon or treat yourself to some Jessica Alba and Into The Blue. Because this isn't how you want to remember him. Hopefully his movie in post production will do him more justice if it is released. This however Don't See. 
Don't call it a comeback! Today's word boys and girls is redemption. I don't know if it's because it's a perfect storm of subject matter I can relate to. Or maybe just coming off my last movie I had nowhere to go but up really. Or if it's just that damn good. But either way I don't really care because I'm lazy and I'm not gonna analyze that deep. All I know is that The Kings of Summer is the cat's pajamas! I think that's what the kids are saying nowadays but I could be mistaken. Let me put it more poetically this movie is fucking great! The acting, writing, cinematography, music, everything! This Lord of the Flies-esque dramedy snuck under the radar with just a limited release. And I think that's great because I look at it as an award. An award for avid movie watchers like you and I who have to sift through a lot of shit to find a gem like this. So it makes it that much sweeter. So thank you shit movies. Now if your a stickler of hyper realism you are going to have deal with a little fantasy. My favorite being comparing the way these teenagers conversed to the way my friends and I did. If you used any word over two syllables you were declared "gay". And we certainly could not construct an insulated house that slept 6 comfortably. And on the other side of the coin if you just want fart jokes or explosions you are going do have to deal with a little substance. This movie will hit you in the proverbial feels a couple times. So if you hate salty clear liquid on your cheeks tread lightly with this one. But if you can settle down in the middle of the two. I promise you will feel so good you don't wanna leave à la ludacris style. Thank you The Kings of Summer for redeeming the art of good movie making. In case you were uncertain of where I stand on this movie, I rate it a must see. 
It's Black Friday and we all know what a fucking joke that is. So I thought it would be appropriate to watch a comedy. But the joke was on me because I watched The To Do List. Yes that was dumb. Yes I feel dumb for saying it. Moving on. The film stars the one trick pony Aubrey Plaza. Actually in this film she does a lot of tricks. But I am referring to the fact that if you've seen one A.P. performance you've seen 'em all. Yeah we get it, you're dry. Well according to her character in this movie she is anything but. Man I am coming strong with the innuendo tonight. We all love that "I'm better than everybody and dead on the inside" act on Parks and Recreation but not in everything. But I'm sure Ms. Plaza is lovely in real life. I'm just not sold on her as a lead. But I get why she was cast. A strong independent woman directing a strong independent woman playing a, say it with me strong independent woman. Good, that will be on the final. This movie is all about girl power. And I love that. We need more of that. But I just think it could've been done better. But there are some bright spots in this cumming of age teen comedy I guess. My man Bill Hader is in this. And it's ironic that he plays a guy who can't swim because he is the only thing that keeps this flick afloat in my opinion. But he and a bunch of other great players are underutilized in this. Mostly Donald Glover which is a shame because I heard he is quitting comedy, literally. You just don't hire a bunch of super funny people and then give them nothing funny to say. So long story short is this the worst movie I've ever seen? hell no. But I have been dying to say this and I think I should strike while the iron's lame. Don't see. 
While Elysium is a very fitting title for this one. I think this movie should have been called Thick Accents and Stabbings. Or Super Fake Tattoo Robot movie. Alright alright so those names are horrible but it's what you'll see predominately throughout the film so I hope you enjoy at least one of those things. This is writer/director Neill Blomkamp's second full length film. The first being the mind blowing District 9. And I think a lot of people would call Elysium a sophomore slump. But I think when you come out of the gate like that it's hard to catch lightning twice, especially in a row. I think that is the expression I want. I don't know I'm not a weatherman or smart. But it doesn't take a genius to see the similarities between the two. Blomkamp again tackles issues of social injustice, class warfare (literally) and segregation. I admire how he takes real world, old as time problems and places them in imagined futuristic settings. It tells me that we as humans were dumb, are now dumb and will continue to be dumb even in space. Which sounds negative but I value continuity so it's all good. Elysium sees the return of Sharlto Copley. Who may not win any Oscars but he definitely won my award for weirdest first name. He and Damon give the best performances. Copley's character gives me an Avatar vibe. And Damon's a very Gladiator vibe. I think if Gladiator, Avatar and WALL-E had a baby it would be this movie. Watch it and tell me if you agree or not. I'm not sure what else to say about Elysium. Everything else is just good. Nothing great but nothing sub par in my opinion either. I guess the moral of the story is make a shitty first movie so people don't give you crap about your second one. But if you like popcorn munching sci fi sequences masking deeper social commentary then by golly this is the film for you! I give it a firm Should See. Haha firm. PS Happy Thanksgiving everyone! And if you are reading this in another country Happy Non-Gluttonous Thursday to you my friend. Now it's time to go get fat and think of what Thanksgiving movie to watch. Maybe Planes, Trains and Automobiles? "Three coins in the fountain". 
